By Senior Airman Kyle Johnson, Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson Public Affairs

(This feature is part of the “Through Airmen’s Eyes” series. These stories focus on individual Airmen, highlighting their Air Force story).

Senior Master Sgt. Janet Lemmons, the 176th Force Support Squadron sustainment and services superintendent, holds up a note her son Tommy wrote to her and his stepfather, Tom, when he was younger. She found the note among a pile of old receipts when she was looking to trade in some diamond earrings after his death. Lemmons tells everyone the note is a thousand times better than diamonds and she keeps it at her desk. (U.S. Air Force photo/Senior Airman Kyle Johnson)Then-Tech. Sgt. Janet Lemmons realized she couldn’t breathe in the hospital room. It was as if there wasn’t enough space for her family’s grief and the air collectively. She had to get out.

Lemmons stepped into the elevator that would take her someplace where she could breathe, but the cold steel walls provided no comfort as they sealed her in. She took several deep breaths as the elevator descended. The doors opened on friends and family, and they all knew exactly what had happened as soon as they saw her.

Her oldest son, Tommy, was dead.

Lemmons stepped out into a surreal world where nothing was as it should be and didn’t feel like it ever would be.

“How am I going to laugh again?” said Lemmons, now a senior master sergeant and the sustainment services superintendent for the 176th Force Support Squadron. “What is life going to be like? How am I going to eat again? How is anything ever going to be enjoyable again?”