What's Up?!
Heads Up! Attention on Ramp!
By Larry Shapiro
A few weeks ago, I got multiple phone calls from my friend Don Singer, a very respected member of the aviation community in southern California. He shared with me his great concern over an issue that was growing rapidly in his area. After hearing his story, I too shared his concerns and asked him to drop me a note spelling out the issues so that I might share them with you, here’s Don’s note”
“As per our conversation, winning the battle of Users fees is, of course, serious. But, the forgotten battle is where do we park our planes when we land. Transit parking has been lost at KCRQ (Carlsbad), KSNA (Santa Ana), KVNY (Van Nuys), and KSBA (Santa Barbara), which by the way are public use airports.
“I’ve been shunted to FBO’s who charge exorbitant fees in the form of Fuel To Be Purchased or Hourly parking fees. A friend of mine who flies a corporate (King Air 200) told me that when they have to drop off, or pick up a passenger at KSBA and the charge is $187.
“We must all address this growing problem! Bit by bit, our transit tie-down parking is being taken away. (We) better take a look at this problem before it’s too late and it starts heading north and east.
“Thanks, Larry – Maybe you can help us do something about this.”
(signed) Don Singer
I’d like to add, “Thank you Don for taking the lead on this issue let us know what else we can do! LS
And now a few words about November! My Absolute Favorite Month!
Where to start: Let’s see… oh yes, it’s the month I was born… I remember Turkey was served that day and has been ever since. It surprises me that I wasn’t given the name “Turkey,” wait a minute, I was, but not by my Mother, by everyone else. No problem, I always give those folks a holiday turkey and suggest to them that they “stuff” it. I know, it’s an old joke, but consider the source.
Whether they’re roasted, fried, hot or cold, just “gimmie” the bird, a sharp knife, sit down and eat. Mayonnaise and cranberry sauce really helps make this one of the best sandwiches out of the fridge. BTW, don’t boil them, all I can say is, “really bad idea.” One more thing, please don’t tell me I mentioned this twice in this column, I know, I know!
Timing is everything!
I can’t wait to tell you this story. Let me set the scene. I’m driving off my field and heading for home. It was that time of day when the sun was setting, the birds were practicing their formation flying, and things were getting somewhat quiet on the field.
A few meters away from the exit gate, parked in our very secure transit parking area, I see the most beautiful T-34 in the world. Now I really can’t mention the owner’s name, even though she probably wouldn’t mind, but as I recall I did mention it once during a speech in a room where she was sitting and she wasn’t happy with some of my remarks. By using my charm and a prayer, I was eventually able to get her to forgive me but not before she had herself a “get-even moment!”
Her “get even moment” came a few weeks later and she got me in spades when she walked up behind me at a safety seminar where I was the MC of the event. I was sporting the best ponytail I ever grew. She pulled out some scissors and cut the whole thing off in front of at least 300 people who all had to run to the Porta-potties after because they were laughing so hard. I believe we refer to that as a “gotcha!”
Back to my story: As I drove through one of our security gates admiring the T-34; bang, there she was climbing out of a car filled with some old friends returning from a little reunion from their airline days. After some hugs and a little hangar flying, she was off and so was I. Can I say how much I love this lady; she’s one of the greatest flyers in the world. (Of course I can say it; it’s my column.) Final word on this delicious visit; she turned to her friends and told them that my daughter Suzanne flew with her once after an air show at Travis Air Force base. If you don’t think that makes an impression on a 14-year-old… My daughter went on to fly my T-34 and honored the USAF by attending their academy. She ended up marrying an Air Force recruiter. I know, I told you this before; I just like saying it again.
Security, what security?
BTW, just a few words about the security at our little aerodrome; I only mention this because of where her airplane was parked and she wanted the gate code for entry. We have multiple four-foot high gates with combination locks on all of them. (They cost a fortune to install).
If I’m correct, no one knows the combination to any of them, but then why would they when the fences and gates are only four feet tall. Most of us just reach over the gate and open them. Did some say what a waste of taxpayer $$$? I probably should mention that between the gates are openings in the fence with no gates. Hummmmmm, who are we keeping out?
A word of caution: if you’re allergic to chain link fences and four-foot gates, you can always walk in from one of our easily accessible levies that surround about half our airport. It’s a better view of the field from there and not a fence in sight. I think I just blew my invitation to any forth coming holiday parties being thrown by our local public servants.
Moving Right Along: It was a rainy day and there were two people stirring
My best wife and I thought it was a good day to peek in some of the boxes that were lining the walls in our humble little storage room and do some spring cleaning (yes, in October). Over the years, we had accumulated more than our fair share of junk and cornered the market on cardboard and dust. Mixed in with these ancient documents and dirty folders, we found some personal notes I had written back in the dark ages, along with some ancient charts. What was really dumb 40-plus years ago is in fact still dumb. Here’s one of my favorite stories:
RAF Mildenhall, England
We came across some of my old treasures from my RAF Lakenheath/Mildenhal days. I believe that was back in the 1900s sometime, commonly referred to as the old days, really old days. According to the Famers Almanac, in was 1959-1962. If you absolutely must know, it was the 48th Tac Fighter Wing, and the 492 Squadron based at Lakenheath, so there.
Anyway, as always I digress. So, there she sat blowing dust off some old charts, logs, flight plans and this check list which was written by someone I absolutely don’t know, never did, and probably never will. I do remember taking it off the wall in the WX Office at RAF Mildenhall. It was also the first time I had encountered a “Lady” Officer, a First Lieutenant.
Please, and I beg you, don’t rag on me about this, but as I approached her counter for a WX briefing, the first words out of my mouth, (the one I was about to put my foot in), I asked her if her husband was in? You have my embarrassed solemn word that this is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the idiotic truth.
Anyway, this was the same office I overheard someone say, “We have an emergency in-bound!” Naturally, being in my early 20s, I yelled! What is it? The response was, it’s a C-19 coming in on two engines. Well! I went running outside only to remember that C-19s only had two engines. Another lesson learned.
Okay, you’ve been very patient with me so here’s the 40-plus year-old gem my wife found and loved: I should mention that the author is unknown to us, but if he’s still alive, “thank you!”
The Care And Feeding Of Flight Instructors
The instructor is a special breed of pilot. His great courage, extreme skill, low forehead and mean little eyes makes it easy to recognize him. Because the instructor already knows how to fly, he has the student completely at a disadvantage. He is unimpressed with whatever other skills the student might have outside of aviation. He is dedicated therefore, to showing the student how little he knows and by his own example, how completely unsuitable the student is as a pilot or pilot material.
Those who wish to make a success of flying are advised to follow a few common sense rules in dealing with instructors. These are:
1. Let him know who is boss; this can be done by keeping your mouth shut, as he already knows he is the boss.
2. Earn his respect and admiration. Best done by saying your father is president of a large airline looking for pilots at a fantastic salary. All instructors are dissatisfied with their present job.
3. Reward his efforts. It is well to bribe him from time to time with bills of large denomination. In return he may show you a little about flying an airplane.
4. Let him know your problems. Tell him beautiful women to whom you would like to introduce him constantly pursue you. Instructors are girl crazy and you will get extra flight time while he thinks this over. It also serves to keep his mind off your mistakes.
5. Show admiration for him. Let him know how impressed you are that he can fly even though he has probably had no sleep and is suffering from an acute jetlag . Instructors are egotistical and will mistake this for a compliment.
6. Tell him your ambitions. Appear for lessons with hair uncombed, shoes scuffed and buttons missing from your shirt. Wear a leather jacket with holes at the elbows and look bored with the whole procedure. He will know you are interested in becoming an instructor yourself and give you special attention.
7. Demonstrate your aptitude. Fly with one wing low and skid all turns. Get plenty of good bounces into landings and try to ground loop once in a while. Instructors prefer to think all students are knuckleheads.
8. Show the right mental attitude. Convince him you are a lunatic. Instructors always solo students when convinced there is nothing to be done and they are bent on committing suicide anyway. Louse up enough landings and he will leave the airplane to save his own skin. You will then be free to teach yourself.
9. Never disobey instructions. When the instructor tells you to go to &%$#, file a flight plan and take off immediately.
10. Don’t take any unnecessary risks. Fly solo whenever you can.
OVER!
Up-dated Happy Story
I won’t count how many words I’ve written about the FaFa folks and me; it’s become a boring story. However, it would be safe to say we are gaining on them when it comes to breathing and sleep. I use a CPAP machine… big deal. They are used by hundreds of fire fighters, policemen, the pilots with the stripes on their sleeves that sit up front, and still, the “you know who’s keep busting our b—-s and pulling our tickets on the premises that you need to breath oxygen if you fly over I forget how many feet, but you can’t do it in your bed (with a CPAP) at sea level. They continue to say, “It’s not safe!” etc, etc, etc.
With that said, it gives me great pleasure to share with you a note from one of my readers who gave me permission to share it with you.
“Thoughts on passing the MWT - or “Reading the FAR’s is considered an extraordinary means of staying awake.
“I recently passed my MWT and I have some pointers for others who may be taking it. This isn’t a “how to cheat” since you never want to trick or cheat any medical test. However there are things you can do to ensure the outcome is successful.
1) Flying a private plane and taking a MWT are not the same activities. Get over it! The test is the test.
2) The technicians don’t care how annoying this is to you so don’t tell them. Like dealing with all other professionals be courteous and polite. Besides, having a good laugh is a good way to stay awake. (Remember, that’s the goal, they try to put you to sleep and you try to make them fail.)
3) You can’t have any caffeine in your system for the test. So get off it in advance. Not the x hours they may recommend, try a week or more. Get your body used to functioning without caffeine. As a coffee snob (Peets and Blue Bottle are my favorites) this was especially hard, but well worth it. And oh yes, the first cup of coffee the next morning is sooo good.
4) Get yourself on the same sleep schedule as the test. This is especially true if there is a night time study before the test where they may be waking you up at 6:00 in the morning. If your sleep cycle matches that of the test, then your body is already used to being up and alert that early.
5) Make sure you get good sleep for several days before the test. Recent studies show that you don’t bounce back immediately from a late night of partying, etc. So get those internal sleep batteries charged up, but as mentioned above, do it on the same schedule as the test.
6) The test is boring so give your mind something to do. You can’t read the FAR’s since that is considered “An Extraordinary Means of Staying Awake” but that doesn’t mean you can’t put your brain to work. Here are some suggestions:
• Use OMTP (One Mississippi Timing Protocol). Mentally counting to 60 by “One Mississippi, two Mississippi” is a way to kill a minute (or more). Finished with Mississippi, then try California, or New York. How many states can you get through without duplicating?
• Moving just your eyes, scan the area of the room before you as if you are doing an instrument scan. Make up flight scenarios, emergencies situations, etc.
• Preflight your plane. Pretend you walking around your plane and doing a preflight. Now pretend you doing it on another plane, like the one you saw on the ramp with those lovely for sale banners on the prop.
• Was that technician kind of cute? What kind of date would you take him or her on? Plan it out in your mind but don’t actually hit on him or her; they’ve probably been hit on by every fly-boy / fly-girl anyway. Being married I of course would not do this.
• Do whatever you can to keep a smile on your face, like trying to remember good jokes you heard, or the lines from your favorite movie. You can’t talk or laugh out loud, but you can smile and time does go by faster while you are having fun.
7) Make sure you walk around between the test. Get out of the room/bed you are taking the test in. Chat with people, etc.
8) Eat properly with only healthy, energy foods. This means fruits and vegetables; French fries are not a vegetable, either is deep fried apple pie which is not a fruit.
Delicious Words
And now a few delicious words about this month; Naturally I love November for many reasons. I was born in November. I’m registered everywhere. A word of advice, small checks are vulgar and it’s not the gift that matters, it’s the price.
I fell in love once or twice in November and even proposed in November, just thought I’d throw that in, has nothing to do with what I’m writing, but like I always say, “it’s My Column!”
I hate Turkey but love the stuffing and leftovers with one exception. Please tell me what’s better than a cold turkey sandwich on wheat sour dough bread, with mayo and cranberry sauce? Depending on where you are making my sandwich, plain sour dough bread is okay, unless there are some rye dinner rolls lying around.
I also like a side order of Chinese food if there is any left over from the day or days before. Since it’s my birthday, I always request a leg of lamb and make every attempt at finding one with feathers to see if I can fool anyone. There aren’t enough pumpkin pies in the world to satisfy me, so I make due with the dozen or so that show up around our house. The worst thing that can happen is running out of whipped cream, pumpkin flavored ice cream, and of course, that really weird Pumpkin Flavored Coffee Creamer.
Our Troops! ! !
By now you know I always end my column with a few words and thoughts about our troops. This month is no exception. I’d like to invite all those heroes over seas to come to our house for Thanksgiving. They deserve a home cooked meal and a few of my boring stories. When you say a prayer or two at your table, be sure to include them.
“Over”
