What's Up?! - April 2010
M O R E W O R D S!
Larry Shapiro and KatanaBy Larry Shapiro
The first thing that came to mind as I began to write this column was exactly what you would think I would write about and you’d be wrong. There will be no IRS jokes, no April Fools jokes, instead, and I might add, highly inspired by the recent Academy Awards Show, a short/brief attempt at a screenplay description of what has transpired since my March column. Remember, no jokes but a reminder that life itself can be very funny.
This will be a short story about the aftermath of a plane crash and how it affected a small community, the airport community, and an even larger community. The communities will be named at a later column but for now we will refer to them as: PA, East PA, and MP. There, now that takes care of that.
First we need a working name for this S-Play. Let’s see, Post Mortem, naaah, to morbid. Miracle on Beech Street, I think that’s been used before. How about Casablanca? I’ve always loved that name and it hasn’t been used for years, plus, it really works here and I can spell it. Okay, Casablanca it is.
A Screenplay by Larry Shapiro
(First Draft)
The place: (the time: 7:15 p.m. PDT-EPA)
It was a dark and very foggy night. Bogey and I put out our smokes and headed inside:
EPA Civic Center/City Hall/Library/ATM/ETC.
The monthly City Council meeting; about 100 EPA citizens present.
Up front on the bench, the Major and his posse of council members.
To their left and my right, two tables with some unidentified people wearing suits and ties, the others weren’t. At the table furthest from the mayor are the Chief of Police looking very Chiefly in his uniform and the same for the Fire Chief.
EPA is a small community of 2.5 square miles, with 33,000 really nice folks squeezed into that small space. A freeway on the Westside, plus a small thruway almost in the middle, and a slightly polluted bay on the east side border it. Oh yes, on the south side there is an un-named airport and a golf course.
More about the place:
At best we could say this city has gone from one of poverty to a thriving middle class area on the way up, even home to a relatively new Four Season Hotel. I should note that across the fore-mentioned freeway are a very up-scale, affluent neighborhood, and home to a major University and medical center. Won’t name this major university except to say Tiger and Condoleezza know it well.
Note to reader:
Twenty years ago this wasn’t such a nice place and only 10,000 people lived here. It was sometimes referred to as a war zone. I’m not regressing again, I just want the reader to get a real feel for this place.
Your writer feels it’s very important to point out that in this room of 100 plus people, all whom are strangers at the beginning of this play.
The Players:
In random order:
Yours Truly - Senior
Mrs. Yours Truly
Ralph, President of a Pilots Association, even more senior.
The Mayor
The Chief of Police
The Fire Chief
An Angry, Unhappy, Unstable Case
Many up-beat happy folks telling us this isn’t the real story
The Weather:
It was a very Casablanca night, if you know what I mean. Cold, maybe brisk, foggy, very foggy, Bogey would have liked it. We drove slowly down the street reading address numbers, slower and slower, foggier and foggier, burr, it was really cold. Bingo, we found the building. Thankfully there were many lights on and children playing, two of the three strangers start to feel safer.
TTP climb out of their Volvo.
The Arrival:
Five players approached the entry steps and continued their ascent to the lobby inside. On our right was an ATM Machine. Not sure why, but that made us smile.
The two visitors look around the room and begin to question whether or not they should even be there.
TTV take the closest seats to the door they’ve just entered through. After about two minutes they decide they should move further into the big room.
They move to the other side and take their seats, pretending no one else is there. They are sure everyone else in the room is staring at them, and they are right.
The Time:
It’s now 7:30 p.m. No, make that 7:40 p.m., The meeting is starting late. Those who know what they are doing sit down. Those that aren’t sure what they doing start looking for a place to sit down, some succeed, some don’t.
The Mayor: A boyish looking kinda guy.
It’s now 7:45 p.m. and if the mayor called the meeting to some kind of order we didn’t hear him. Dozens of people are entering and departing the hall non-stop for one reason or another.
The Lady: Never saw her face, she was always looking down and her speech sounded as if it was strained through a stale donut.
She mumbled some instructions that no one was listening to and the show began.
The Mayor Speaks: We will now have roll call. The Lady Mumbler calls out names and the called names mumble something back.
The Mayor speaks again: He refers to some old business and minutes that needed to be approved. (I sure do wish he hadn’t done that.) That’s when it all started.
Writer: Imagine we’re about three minutes into this council meeting and all hell breaks loose. Another mumbler also looking down begins by objecting to everything that was just said. He attacked the Mayor, and every other person wearing a tie and on the payroll basically calling everyone a liar. What fun, better than a circus. We now jump ahead 30 minutes and the accusations were still flying.
If we even tried to explain what the lies were about you’d be laughing and we get off the track I am trying to stay on. In fairness to the reader, the very senior angry dude wearing a religious hat and whose name I don’t know, wasn’t going to be pacified and the boy playing the part of the mayor didn’t know how to use his gavel.
The Police Chief:
Sitting 90 degrees south of the mayor looking very sharp and ready to be the Police Chief is the Chief of Police. A rock solid 180 pounds, about 5’8”, and not too happy with this semi-lunatic still mumbling on the bench.
The Chief gives his report on the recent plane crash – a very fair report and very factual, well, as factual as it could be at the moment.
The Fire Chief:
Tall blonde guy, looks like a fire chief, very articulate, and he delivers a very thorough report on the crash. It was lengthy, detailed, and told the story the way it was. A bravo was in order but wait, the mumbling mental case wasn’t through yet. He attacked both chiefs and showed so much disrespect that I started to shake. If fact, I was to be the next speaker and I completely lost it.
The Next Speaker:
Me; an overweight, 70-year-old Jewish guy known to be a little emotional now and then and this wasn’t going to be an exception.
Mr. Mayor I yelled, how could you allow that nut case on the end of your bench to attack and show such disrespect to those two fine officers to my right?
I seldom get rattled but I am right now and I respectfully ask for an additional minute to make my case.
For the first time in almost an hour the Mayor took control of the room and denied my request. With the time I had left I spewed enough venom to join Rattlesnakes of America and be kicked off the “A” list and never to be invited back again.
However, I did get the opportunity to make my aviation-point and that was to make the folks of this fine city feel welcome to come hang out with us at the airport, which by the time you are reading this, they have done! So point well taken! They are now attending our airport meetings and we turned a really potentially bad scenario into a positive direction. (Tune in next month to see the progress of A Miracle on Beach Street… where community and airport work together as one…)
When my two minutes were up, I grabbed my jacket and headed for the exit door. As I approached the door, which was on the other side of the room, some nice human grabbed my arm and said the Fire Chief wanted me to stay.
Hum! Interesting. Of course I took another seat. Round two of the yelling, insults and more accusations ensued. Many Councilman and Loony Tunes should have taken notice the Cop was carrying heat.
I had enough! I made my way to the lobby and was followed closely by the chiefs. The pretending to be a mayor guy called a recess for everyone to cool off. WOW! That was amazing. I asked the Police Chief if he wanted me to call in reinforcements. When I asked why the loony dude was allowed to do what he had done and the Fire Chief responded the way many others had, “It’s complicated.”
NOTE: As I was completing this column I experienced and suffered a terrible personal loss. My loyal and loving companion “Katana” died in my arms. For 14 years she guarded me and my family, she flew with me, I don’t think there was a day she wasn’t at my side. For those of you who have been to my office you have had the joy of knowing her, she asked for little and gave so much. I got her at SQL when she was four weeks old. I thank my special friend Karen Morss for this gift of love. She has been of great comfort to my family; she experienced the same pain some years ago herself. For those of you that have not experienced the companionship and unconditional love of a pet before it’s too late I hope you will.
With that said I am just unable to complete this column now, but I will next month.
I hope your Passover and Easter celebrations were filled with love and fulfilling for you and your families. I’ll see you next month.
“Over”
